16.44

16.44

That's the mileage that haunts has haunted me.  That's the point I dropped out of the 2015 WDW Marathon.  That 16.44 has stood as my longest run ever....   Until this weekend.

On Saturday, I went out for my long run.  The miles ticked by and soon  (and by "soon" I mean:  a very long time),  I texted my husband that I was at mile 15.  As I continued my run, I got a little antsy.  I kept checking my watch every few steps.  As my Garmin crept closer and closer to 16.44, I found myself thinking of how different this run was.  I was not in pain.  I felt strong.  I knew, I was going to complete the run I had set out to do.

And, I did.  17 miles.  I have defeated the demon.  I have moved beyond my failure.  While I have not yet crossed the finish line, I have reached a milestone.  When I stopped my Garmin, the "New Record" icon popped up.  I finally have a new "longest run" on record.

It's a much better feeling knowing that my longest run ended on my terms, successfully.  26 days until I own the finish line.

15 (million) Miles

Sunday was a beautiful, unseasonably warm day. Perfect for a run.

Unless you are me.  Then, it was the worst run in a really long time.  Like, since I started running again.

Miserable.  I only had 4 hours sleep, had already worked 4 hours at a physically demanding job, was not well fed or hydrated.  The absolute perfect set up for my first ever 15 miler.  WooHoo!

I started off listening to my favorite podcast and the first 3 miles went fairly well.  After that, it was downhill.  Mentally, I just wasn't in it.  Then, my right calf started to hurt.  I knew my form was off and I started to doubt whether I would (or should) finish this run.

In the end, I did finish.  It wasn't pretty.  It wasn't fun. And, I'm sore.  Very, very sore.  But, I ran 15 miles!  My longest training run ever.   2 long training runs left....

My People

I found my people.

On Thursday night, I went to a pub run that is held jointly with the two running clubs that I belong to.  After the week I've had, I decided to stay for a drink after the run.

Not only are they super nice, but they also run Disney.  What?!?!  Granted, they are much faster than me right now, but...

Disney running friends here in my town???  Oh yeah!!!  Needless to say, I texted my husband and told him that I was going to be later than planned.  It was a wonderful night making new friends and having a lot of laughs.  Just what I needed to relieve the stress of the week.

Thursdays are my new favorite night of the week.

TBT: My First Half Marathon

For Throwback Thursday, I thought I'd share the story of my first half marathon.

I started running in the spring of 2012.  In the back of my mind, I knew I wanted to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon "someday".  But, it was a pipe dream.  Not an imminent activity.

After completing a few 5K's that first spring/summer, some running friends put this crazy bug in my head...  what about a half marathon?  No...  I couldn't run that far already.  Or, could I?

By the end of the summer, I was signed up for 2 half marathons:  Smuttynose Rockfest Half Marathon and the Disney Princess Half Marathon.   Rockfest was at the end of September, the day after my daughters 3rd birthday.  I had trained up to 10 miles.  Training had gone well and I was feeling nervous, but excited about my first half.  I was running this one so that I could feel confident and enjoy the Princess Half.

I met up with a new friend pre-race, but lost her in the chaos just before the start.  I had a friend (who is an amazing runner) that was running the full marathon that day.  My one goal was to finish the half before she finished the full.  Seriously.

I started out and like most newbies made the mistake of going out too fast.  By mile 9, I was ready to be done.  Plus, it was rainy and cold.  Once I started to walk, I got even colder.  By mile 10, by back was killing me.

The course is near the ocean and the last stretch is on the road along the beach.  I kept moving forward, longing to just sit on the curb and wait for someone, anyone, to come pick me up despite being able to see and hear the finish line just down the road.  I was miserable and was convinced that I would never again run a half marathon (ahahahahahahahaha!) 

Around mile 12, a friend who has already finished the half and was on her way back to her car saw me and jumped back on the course to help me.  She could tell I was struggling.  We walked a mile together and she talked the whole time.  I was too cold and exhausted to answer, but she just chatted away.  Finally, she split off and I finished the last .1 on my own.  The woman I had met up with pre-race was waiting for me at the finish line.

I was so happy to be done and felt awful.  I did reach my goal:  My full-marathon friend arrived at the finish line about 10 minutes after I did.  I was too miserable to enjoy the post race festivities, so I jumped in my car and headed home.  I ended up having to pull over on the side of the road to puke, and then sat there crying.  I never wanted to run another half marathon.  I had already spent hundreds of dollars on the registration and tickets for our trip to the Princess Half.  How was I going to go home and tell hubby I changed my mind and didn't want to do it??

I got home, showered, ate and napped while hubby took our kids to a birthday party.  By the time I got up, I looked at that medal and knew I was hooked.  Miserable experience or not, I had finished a half marathon.  There was no turning back.

Lemons

Sometimes life hands you lemons.  Traditional wisdom says, make lemonade.  But, what if you don't like lemonade?  That's why I run.

There is something about running that calms my soul more than any other activity.  It's the soothing rhythm, the physical exertion, the time alone to zone in on only my thoughts and feelings.

This week dealt up a big ol' pile of lemons.  Our oldest daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis and will need to wear a back brace 21 hours a day for the next few years.  We are thankful beyond words that this diagnosis is not life threatening.  We are more fortunate than many families today.  But still, it feels like we've been punched in the stomach.  This is not the life we imagine for her.  This is not the life she deserves.  And, there's nothing I can do.  As a mother, that's the hardest part.  I can only stand by her side and walk with her through this journey.  I can't make this go away. 

So, I run.  I run to clear my head.  I run to have time to just breathe.  I run so she doesn't see me cry.

And, when I'm done running, I put back on my suit of armor and am ready to fight another day with her. 

Race Review: Santa Hustle Half Marathon

I love Christmas.  I love races.  So a race that's called the Santa Hustle where they give you a Santa hat & beard, cookies and M&M's on the course and play Christmas music at the water stops is my kind of deal.  But, I was scheduled to work.  Bummer.  But wait!  The running gods heard my plight and due to some craziness at work, I was unexpectedly allowed the day (partially) off, which meant I could do the race with a friend of mine!!!!

I got up a stupid o'clock and headed over the state line to meet her.

It was super cold when we got there to register, but it was a fun atmosphere.  And, what Christmas themed race would be complete without Reindeer???

My friend and I ran this race together and overall I enjoyed it.  The course was a bit boring, with stretches of nothing at all.  The last mile of the race was completely around the outside of the mall.  That was pretty odd.  I would call this course moderately hilly.  If you could see how I'm walking today, you'd realize that I did not train on hills.  At.All.  My butt is killing me today. 

It was certainly not my best time, but it was pain free.  While I am not quite where I want to be, I am happy to be running.

So, my review of the race:

Pros:
Swag is awesome
Start/Finish Line area was awesome
Food/Water stops were adequate and still had supplies for us back of the pack runners
Medal was HUGE (and the snowflake spins!)

Cons:
Course was boring
Some areas were not well marked
Cars on the course were an issue in some spots

This race has so much potential:  Local organizations could have a competition of Christmas Cheer stations, the mall could get in on the act and have stuff set up around the outside, hot (warm, not hot) cocoa would have been nice to wash down the cookies which should have been a bit earlier in the race.  Overall, I would do this race again as long as I was running with friends. 

One Layer, Two Layers, Three Layers, More!

As much as I hate to admit it, winter running has arrived. I hate cold, but I hate treadmills even more. So, what's a runner to do?

Layer up, of course!  Unfortunately, I'm about as good at judging appropriate weather gear as I am with reading elevation maps. (Just ask around, it's not my forte.)

I am always cold.  Always.  It was 28 degrees when I headed out for my run this evening and I was cold inside my house.  So, I put on my Powercore Base Layer, a long sleeve tech shirt and, at the last minute, a 1/4 zip pullover-- all underneath my windbreaker. Add in some mittens and a hat and I was still freezing as I stepped outside. (Oh, and I was wearing my tights as well--lest you think I ran without pants. I'm not that kinda girl). 

I froze the first half mile and then suddenly, I was sweating and miserable.  Surprise!  Too many layers!  I've read all the advice on how to choose layers, but I can't stand being cold at the beginning of a run (or any time really).    So, I ignore the advice, put on too many layers, and then complain about being hot part way into my run.  If you would rather dress appropriately, take some advice from the Canadians. 

Virtual Wine & Dine

Last weekend, our half marathon plans got cut short thanks to some severe weather.  There has been a lot of discussion/debate about the way runDisney handled the situation.  While I feel like there could have been a more organized way of evacuating (and then sending runners back out) and communicating, I feel like runDisney did what they could to ensure the safety of 15,000 people.  That's no small feat!

After the shortened race, we were handed our medals.  Hubby and I both took them, but I didn't feel like I earned it.  I ran the course that was set before me, but did not finish 13.1 miles as it says on the medal.  Therefore, I did not wear it.  I have no problem with other people who chose to wear it, or the "I Did It" shirts.  I just personally didn't feel comfortable with it.  Perhaps being my first race since being swept had something to do with it.  I wanted to feel like I completed the entire race.  I wanted to earn that medal.  That being said, given the heat, late time of night, and pounding headache that I had had that day, I wasn't all that disappointed in the shortened course.

Fast forward a week and we are back at home.  I needed to modify my training plan since W&D was supposed to be my long run.  I decided to do 12 miles this weekend.  As I stood in my kitchen watching the blustery wind whip the trees and unraked leaves around my yard, I thought about how badly I wanted to finish the marathon in January.  I could have stayed warm inside the house, but knew that wasn't going to get me to my goal.  So, I bundled up and headed out.

Freakin' snowflakes.  Last week, we were running under a heat advisory and this weekend I was running in freakin' snowflakes.  My run was pretty uneventful and I was feeling pretty good when I got to mile 10.  I started to think...  If I'm running 12, that's pretty close to a half.  Then the thought hit me:  Virtual Wine & Dine!  So, I hit my 12 mile mark and kept on going.  I ran 13.1.  While unofficial, I finished my first half marathon since getting injured 13 months ago.

54 days until my journey comes full circle.

Unexpected Exeriences

Sometimes, things just don't go as planned.

This past weekend was the Walt Disney World Wine & Dine Half Marathon Weekend.  I had this lovely vision of how the weekend was going to play out.  But, as you can guess from the title, it most certainly didn't go as planned.

It started the night before we left, when I realized that hubby had forgotten to pick up dog food and the store was now closed.  So, in the morning, on the way to NY to drop off the dog and kids, we had to make a detour to buy dog food.  That added about 1/2 hour on to our morning.  No big deal.

Then, we got stuck in traffic.  When we eventually pulled over at a rest stop, we fell asleep for a lot longer than planned.  We finally got back on the road, only to be caught in a standstill less than 2 hours from our destination.  We arrived about 4 hours after we had planned.  At that point, we still needed to make the expo and make it to our dinner reservations.  We didn't think we would make it in time.

After checking into our room, we showered and caught the bus to the expo.  I had some mixed emotions coming into this race--  I knew I wasn't as trained as I wanted to be, but I was fairly certain I could finish.  But, stepping up to the Start line in the same place you last failed creates some tension.  For me, it was the Expo that put me over the edge.  As I walked through the WWOS complex, the flood of emotion just hit me.  The last time I came through here, I could barely walk--and that was *before* the race.  I looked around and remembered all the feelings.  I had tears welling up in my eyes and knew I couldn't talk, so just tried to smile (which probably looked pretty crazy) and just handed the volunteers my info and nodded my head.  With only a few tears leaking out, I made it up the stairs on the way out.  Then, I saw it:  The table with the RunDisney medals.  I stopped to look and saw the marathon medal for 2016 and Completely.Lost.It.  Sobbing.  I will be back in January to make that mine.

It was not busy at all and we had been able to get our stuff fairly quickly.  We didn't spend any time shopping, but the expo's are all generally the same every race anyway.  We knew taking the bus would be iffy, so we hopped in a cab and make it to our dinner reservations on time!

We had an enjoyable dinner and walked around Disney Springs for a bit before headed back to our hotel.  The 5K race was in the morning so we got our stuff ready and headed to bed.  In the morning, we were on the first bus and arrived at the race with plenty of time.  It was such a fun atmosphere with so many amazing costumes.  They even made it "snow".  Lots of fun!  Hubby and I run at very different paces, so we usually don't run together.  However, since this trip was supposed to be our 10th anniversary trip, we decided that we would do the 5K together.  As it turns out, it was a lot of fun.  We ran intervals, walked a lot and I even got him to stop for a couple of pictures.  If you know my husband at all, you know that there are very few pictures that exist of him as an adult.  And, he hates stopping for any reason during a race.  Not that he's fast or going to win, but his drive to do his best is so strong, he forgets to stop and smell the roses sometimes.  So, the fact that he's IN pictures with a character DURING a race---  mind blowing! 

When we finished, we got our medals and  got on the bus back to our hotel.  After getting cleaned up, we went down to the boardwalk and grabbed lunch at ESPN before heading back to our room for a nap.

When evening rolled around, we were once again on the first bus out of our hotel headed to the race.  We got there and grabbed a few pics, checked our bags and wandered around until we found a good spot to sit and relax until race time.  We were watching the weather because there was rain approaching.  I was trying to meet up with a group of people from online, but it just wasn't in the cards.  I never ended up finding them--  text/FB wasn't very reliable and without a planned meeting spot, it just didn't happen.  I was pretty bummed about that since hubby and I were not planning on running together.  I was hoping to run with a couple of people and was not looking forward to the trek alone.

It started to get very windy and everyone was moving in the direction of the corrals.  I had been watching posts on FB and there were some people saying they had been sitting on buses for almost an hour and it seemed like transportation from the resorts was on hold.  As we moved in the direction of the corrals, a volunteer said that this was an evacuation.  Everyone was being moved inside.  Now, as you can imagine, moving 18,000 people takes some time.  We had to go up stairs and into the complex.  Once there, no one was giving direction as to where to go, so everyone just stopped--which made it worse for the people still trying to get in.  As it turns out, it never rained where we were.  However, I did later hear reports that Animal Kingdom got hit very hard with limbs and debris all over the park and volunteers reporting that there were unsafe running conditions.

Because of the delayed start and unsafe conditions, runDisney made the decision to let the race begin on a shortened course.  This meant that instead of the half marathon we were supposed to run, we only ended up running less than 7 miles.  I had been fighting a headache all day and the delayed start messed with my hydrating/fueling plan--  I was starving before the race even began!  So, while not what I had planned, in some ways it was good that we weren't running 13.1 miles.  Hubby and I saw a group of volunteers headed out, so we (along with thousands of others) followed.  They were letting us head back to the corrals.  We had to funnel back through the pre-race area before being released to get in our places.  However, they did not wait for everyone to be in place and people were still trying to get to the corrals when they started the race.  That caused a huge back up in the last few corrals because people were just jumping in wherever they could.  The corral I was in was so packed you couldn't move.  I was still hoping to find the people I was supposed to run with, but that never happened.  As we stood there squished together, I asked hubby if we could run together since it was a shortened course anyway.  He agreed, even though I'm not sure he really wanted to. 

When we finally got on our way, we quickly realized it was going to be slow going.  The course is fairly narrow and having that many runners on a course less that 7 miles, it just doesn't ever space out.  And, so, we shuffled along, running a few seconds when we could, walking the rest.  The one thing I was most excited about during this race was getting to see the Osborne Lights.  This is the last year of the display and I am so thankful that I got to see it.  It was so amazing!

While I didn't get to run with new friends, I got to run with my best friend.  And, I did get some shout-outs along the way:  One woman recognized my outfit from an online post.  A guy ran up from behind and yelled out to me because he recognized my shirt (we're part of the same running club here at home!) and I did get passed by a friend on the course who yelled out as well.  Most definitely NOT the race I had planned, but not a bad night.  We headed into Epcot for a little food and wine, rode Spaceship Earth and walked back to our hotel around 4am.

We got our medals but didn't wear them.  I didn't feel right wearing it since I didn't run 13.1.  I don't mind if other people wore it, and I think the debates that popped up online are ridiculous.  They gave out the medals because we finished the race that they set before us.  I personally, just don't want to wear it.  I have it and I will display it with my others.  I just couldn't put it around my neck.

On Sunday, we ended up waking up early, after only 4 hours of sleep.  So, we got a last minute reservation at Captain's Grille for breakfast.  We ended up taking another nap before heading to Magic Kingdom at 4pm.  We did a few rides, and much to my surprise, hubby was still allowing me to take pictures of him!  He wore a light up Christmas necklace too.  Seriously...who is this man??  We saw the castle lighting, the fireworks and the parade, and got lots of cookies and hot cocoa.  Lots of fun!

On Monday, we headed to the Epcot Food and Wine festival.  We sampled so many delicious things and ended up having a wonderful day exploring Epcot more than we ever have before.  It was so relaxed and enjoyable.  But, sadly, our trip had come to an end and we had to pack up and come home.

All in all, it was a great time and I'm glad we went.  I'm not sure I would do the race again (I feel like running at night disrupts the trip a bit too much), but who knows.  It is Disney after all.

Mental hurdles

I'm running a half marathon on Saturday.  While I have been preaching conservatism in my runs, I took a calculated risk this weekend.  I know that I should be building up mileage slowly to prevent injury.  But, let's face it: I just started training for this half marathon about a month ago.  That doesn't really leave a lot of time to move slowly.

Yesterday, I did a 10 mile run.  From an injury risk point of view, I should not have done the run.  It was/is risky.  Can by body handle it?  Will it cause a flare up at the worst possible time?  But, on the flip side, I needed to know I could make it.  I needed to work on my fueling strategy.  I needed to get to 10 miles.  So, I did.

And now, I wait.  I assess every tightness.  Every twinge.  Every step.  Was it worth it?  I'll know on Saturday.

I am a whole hot mess of emotion right now. This will be my first race since the failed marathon attempt 10 months ago.  So, all those race jitters are starting.  Without having done many long runs, I feel unprepared mentally (and physically).  To add to the stress, this race is at Disney.  All the emotions of the DNF are bubbling up once again. 

But, this is a race I've never run.  On a different course than the marathon.  A completely different experience.  The start line is my mental hurdle, and I will get over it.

If at first you don't succeed....

Resurrecting this old blog seems fitting.  What happened between that last post in September 2014 and now?  Not a lot of running, that's for sure.

Training went well in September 2014, and aside from some lower leg discomfort which was quickly remedied by a trip to the PT, I felt fantastic.  I ended up running *the* best half marathon of my running career.  No, it wasn't (quite) a PR, but it was the first time running the half distance that I truly felt comfortable.  I tackled the hills like a boss and felt amazing.

I was on a runners high the whole week following the race:  I tackled a massive hill workout, I did a semi-long run, and did an easy paced run that involved hills.  At no point did I feel pain.  3 days later I stepped out for my 15 mile run.  That's when my (running) world came crashing down.

I could tell within the first mile that something wasn't right....then it happened.  A stabbing pain on the outside of my right knee.  I'd walk and it would be OK.  Try to run, stabbing kill-me-now pain.  I had a marathon to train for and stupidly pushed on for 11 miles of agony.  Stretching every few steps, limping, cursing, crying.  Why was this happening???

A quick check in with Dr. Google and I was sure it was the dreaded ITBS.  I called my PT and continued to stretch and all that jazz.  One week later, I was signed up to run a half marathon.  I started, but very quickly knew it was not going to happen.  I took my first DNF.  I sat on the bus and cried.

I worked intensively with a PT and Chiropractor, to no avail.  Instead of getting better, things were getting worse.  A *severely* inflamed IT Band issue turned into a hip flexor strain.  By December, I couldn't even walk.  It probably didn't help that I had just gotten a job in retail.  And it was December.  I was working on my feet about 50+ hours a week.  I hadn't run in 2 months.  Now, I couldn't even walk.  But, I still had plans to attempt a marathon in early January.

Why?  Well, I had talked a friend into going with me and she was going to run another race that weekend.  The trip was paid for and I had really been looking forward to it.  So, I drove myself to Florida praying for a miracle.

In my heart, I knew the outcome.  I knew my level of pain on a daily basis.  My only hope was that I could stay just ahead of the Balloon Ladies.  I was in tears the night before the race.  I knew it was not meant to be.  But, I had my bib, I was there.  Only thing left to do was cross the start line.  I literally limped to my corral.  To my surprise, it started off much better than expected.  It wasn't pain free, but tolerable.  In fact, my first 10 miles were under the minimum pace requirement.  But, the pain rapidly started to increase.  My mile time plummeted.  I just barely beat the 16 mile sweep point.  A medic was wrapping my knee when the balloon ladies passed me.  I had to stay with them in order to not get swept.  At this point, it was over.

I tried to stay with them, but they slipped further and further ahead.  At the turn in to WWOS, I stopped.  The bike medics called for a van while I sobbed uncontrollably sitting there alone on that curb.  I was about to take my second DNF.

I think taking a DNF at Disney is a million times harder than anywhere else.  At my first, I didn't get a medal.  I didn't get a congrats, I was just left alone to deal with my disappointment.  At Disney, you don't get that luxury.  When I was helped off the medic van, I was asked if I wanted to go to the hospital (in hindsight, I should have).  Then I was taken into the tent where a volunteer handed me a medal.  I.LOST.IT.  I sobbed and shook my head.  I didn't finish.  She offered again and I cried more and protested I didn't earn it.  When I wouldn't take it, she put it with my things.  I would not put it on.  I also took my bib off.  However, despite not wearing the medal or bib, it was clear that I was a runner.  And, every.single.person I passed seemed to say "congrats".  And, every.single.time I could feel my heart breaking all over again.

It took me a couple of hours, but then I found this sense of peace.  I focused on what I DID accomplish.  I had run farther than I ever had in my entire life.  (My longest run ever had been a half marathon.)  I was injured and hadn't run in 2 months prior to the race.  But, I still managed to make it almost 17 freaking miles.  Other than the pain in my leg, I felt good.  My energy level and legs felt fine (aside from the injury).  I know in my heart, that had I not been injured, I would have finished.

I KNOW I CAN run a marathon.  I knew it as I sat on the curb crying and I know it today.  I know that I can do it.  That day just wasn't my day.  And, I learned something else:  Everyone who supported me on that journey was still there for me.  Everyone was still proud of me for giving it my all.  And, the world didn't end because I failed.  It is true that you learn more from failure, than from success.

I ended up taking some time off to heal.  It hasn't been a smooth return, but I'm working on it.  And, I just signed up to tackle that marathon again.  This time, I'll wear that medal.